You believe what you wanna believe

Not sure why I have decided to use one of my favorite lines from Refugee already, but I am. I have discovered so many wonderful lines to Tom Petty songs that always seem to fit what I am thinking. I am saving lines from the The Waiting for November when Chris is due and after s/he is born. But other than that, I normally go through a bunch of songs to find a line that fits my mood. However, with this one, the other day, the song came on the radio, and I thought "blog title," so here it is. Let's see if I can draw some kind of parallels to it in the end.

Well, I am sort of sad about a couple things. I was asked if I could attend a certain person's shower the day before her wedding in a city a couple hours away. As much as I HATE showers of any kind, I would have loved to attend this one because I love this certain friend dearly. However, there is no way in any world that we can afford for me to drive 2 days to this city. I wish that was my biggest reason for not going. Most people know I am slightly phobic of driving. I don't even like to drive 20 minutes to Gainesville. I only drive when I have to. Most of the time, I wait for Martin to be available to drive. So, because of this fear of driving, I'm not going. Of course, this is in addition to the money issue, the finding someone to watch the kids issues, and the fact that I will be exactly 8 months pregnant all alone 2 hours from home. I would be in serious panic attack/anxiety mode. I would have to drive all the way down there and then drive all the way back just to go back the next day with Martin driving. The money issues is only because November is going to be such a big month for us with money between Mara's 9th birthday, niece's birthday, nephew's birthday, hopefully a baby party for Baby Chris, the impending birth of Baby Chris, Thanksgiving in general, and the property taxes on Martin's property in Georgia being due at the end. I think Martin is about to have a stroke or coronary if the fact that he was out walking up and down the street tonight is any indication. But, I do love this certain friend and won't miss her wedding for anything in this entire world (even if I did have to drive all the way down there by myself for that). Finding a dress I can wear 8 months pregnant is going to be a huge (pun intended) chore, especially finding one that doesn't kill our budget.

For some reason, my appointment with my midwife got moved up a week. Instead of coming next Monday, she is coming tomorrow morning. It is actually not with my main midwife who is out of town but the one I had to choose to be her assistant. It's not a huge deal. I have decided to do the glucose test. At least, I don't have to drink some funky drink like it seems most women do. I just have to drink some grape juice. Not sure why I decided to do it since I do not buy into the risks of GD (risks of undiagnosed diabetes mellitus, yes). The fact is that many cases of GD have more to do with the fact that pregnant women simply do not metabolize sugar the same way as nonpregnant people. I'm not going to be strapped to a bed, so I don't really care if my baby is big (though I would be very surprised if I had a big baby considering my first one was 7 something, and my second was 6 something, it will have a long way to go to get to be actually big).

Here we go, I can tie the title in now...I believe in hospital birth for no reason. I am not going to a hospital for any reason save 1 which would be placenta previa. That's it. As I am sure I have said before at some point, I will only have an ultrasound to diagnosis this if my midwives can't bellymap to find the placenta. The only reason I am even slightly concerned/have this on my mind is that I have had a low-lying placenta in the beginning of both my previous pregnancies. Breech baby, don't care, I will birth that way. Both of my previous births have included nuchal cords which is not a cause for intervention. If I go past 42 weeks, so what. If my midwives can't attend me for whatever reason, don't care, still going to birth this baby at home. I do not trust or believe in hospitals. I do not trust doctors in any way, shape, or form. The honest truth is that had I read more about UCing (unassisted childbirth) before I hired my midwives, I wouldn't have hired any. In fact, I am still considering not calling them. I probably will (okay, Martin probably will), but the idea is still there. I don't need anyone but my family around to get me through. I am really excited about the birth and having the baby at home with my family around.

We still have a lot to do before the baby comes, but only because there are little things about it that are bothering me like the disorganization of the pantry and the bins full of books around the house, and the missing light bulbs scattered throughout the house. I also want to build a door to go between our bedroom and the bathroom hall. I really want to get the back room turned into an study/second bedroom for Mara to hid in and do her homework and get away from her little bother...I mean brother. He thinks it is fun to slap her butt and crawl all over her. It drives her up the wall. I feel bad for her, but I can't do all the work getting the heavy stuff out of the back room which has turned into storage.

I finally decided to do a registry, but only because I was bored. We don't NEED anything. There are a few things we want like a new "play yard" thing to use as a crib for naps. I want a new boppy pillow because mine is flat as hell and the cover I have is dirty as hell. I love my Bobby and have used it pretty much for the last 2-1/2 years. I even use it to sit at my computer and type on my lap.

So, I guess I need to stop typing for now. I have less than 10 hours until my appointment and I have to get some sleep, take a shower, and clean my house. Tomorrow is my day to take Mara to school which means getting Marty up earlier than I like to. At least the house is not that bad since I have been trying to keep it clean. It is just mainly a few things the kids threw on the floor and the kitchen from dinner. I also have to clean up the porch a little bit to diminish the effect of it being Martin's smoking place. I did not mean to stay up this late, and I surely didn't mean to spend this much time typing all my thoughts out into cyberspace.

Alright...enough for now.