Oh baby don't it feel like heaven right now, Don't it feel like somethin' from a dream

Sure enough, next post is the birth story.

It's a GIRL!

Christine Ione Reaves was born at 5:57 a.m. on November 28, 2008.

I had been having what I am assuming prodromal labor for what felt like weeks. I was so hoping that I would have had the baby before Thanksgiving so I could eat as much as I wanted. That didn't happen, of course. My sister goaded me into taking castor oil, but I only took 2 ounces. I threw that up not long after I took it, so I don't know how much I actually had in my system. I took it with Marty too, and he was born that night, so I will always wonder about both of them and whether they would have come their nights anyway or not.

Well, to my knowledge, nothing was happening, and I fell asleep on the couch watching the House marathon on USA. Now, I have every episode of House available on DVD, so I was watching the marathon only because nothing else was on.

At 3 a.m., I woke up with severe cramps/contractions. Sure enough, I had diarrhea. Because I had taken the castor oil, I wasn't convinced I was in labor. I was seriously waiting for my water to break before I believed I was in labor.

From 3 to about 4:30, I labored alone, still not convinced I was in labor. A couple times in there, I tried to get Martin up because I didn't want to be alone, but he didn't get up until 4:30. We decided to call my mom so she could come over and tell me if she thought it was real. We called her about 5 a.m.

My mom came right over and actually timed my contractions which I hadn't been doing. It turns out that they were coming every 1-1/2 to 2 minutes lasting 45 seconds to a minute. Occassionally, I would get a longer break between the contractions which to me felt like 3 or 4 minutes, but it was really only the 2 minutes. They were actually right on top of each other. Basically, I was in transition from the time I woke up and never knew it.

When mom got here, I was laboring on my knees bent over leaning on my pillows on the couch. I couldn't keep my feet relaxed, so I stood up and ended up leaning on mom during my contractions with my wonderful husband rubbing my lower back during them. Everything they did was exactly what I needed done.

At 5:35 a.m., we looked at the clock and decided to call the midwife at 6. Then, we decided to go ahead and call anyway. Mom called my dad and told him to get to the house and told my sister to hurry and get to my house.

A few minutes later, I informed Mom that I was feeling pushy. In a slight panic, Mom called Lynne, the midwife, back and informed her. She told mom to get me to lie down on my right side and breathe. I did NOT want to lie down, but I did it. Mom called my sister back and begged her to get to the house. Mom ran and got Mara out of bed and then sent Mara to get Martin off the phone outside where he was smoking by the pack and calling everyone and their brother.

My hips have a tendency to lock down where I can't move when the baby is right there. I asked someone to lift my leg. When Martin lifted my leg, the bag of waters was bulging. I never intentionally pushed, but then again I never have with any of my 3 kids. My body always seems to do it for me.

In one of those unintentional pushes, the bag burst and the head was completely out. With the next contraction, my body pushed the rest of her out. Her head never even molded. She has the most rounded head I have ever seen from a vaginal birth.

The midwife didn't make it here until about 20 to 30 minutes after she was born. I was so happy the way it worked out. It was what I really, in my heart, wanted. After 8 previous grandchildren and attending a total of 12 births, my mom finally got to catch one. She says it ranks right up there with her most amazing moments. I remember telling her that if anyone could do it, she could. I was probably the calmest one in the room when she was being born. Mom trusts birth and the female body, but she had never thought to be in a position where she was the only one there. She had always figured that if she ever got to catch, there would be someone there to tell her what to do.

Christine was 6 pounds 13 ounces and 21 inches long. She was 4 ounces and 1/2 inch bigger than Marty was at birth. She was a great latch at birth and nursed well. Her big sister and brother both adore her. She was perfect and calm. She never wanted to cry. My mom got her to cry just so she felt better about it.

Once the midwife got there, the cord was done pulsing, and Mara cut the cord. I delivered the placenta about 30 minutes or so after she was born.

Mom drove me and Chris into her first appointment with the pediatrician this morning, where Chris was, of course, perfect. We were talking about the birth, and I said to her, "my dear mom, that was a natural birth." She cracked up.

Do I have regrets? Sure...I don't think you can have any experience without having some kind of regrets. My regrets are that I didn't realize I was as far into my labor as I was. Both of my previous labors had been 6-1/2 hours. This one was just under 3. I wish my sister had been able to get here a few minutes earlier so that she was here. I wish my dad had gotten here a few minutes earlier too so that he could have watched his brave wife catch her 9th grandbaby and taken pictures. I wish I knew what my Nana really thought about a baby having her middle name (Ione). Do I regret that my midwife didn't make it? No. Do I regret it that the birth was technically unassisted? Absolutely not. It was really exactly what my heart wanted with the exception of the rest of my family not being here. I had really wanted my mother-in-law here too, but I had given "permission" for them to go visit their daughter so they were in Atlanta. It turns out that even if they had stayed home, she would have never been able to make it from where they live 2 hours away.

As much as I enjoyed my birth center births, this birth was by far the most special. She is wearing her "I was born at home" onesie that I decorated for her.

I am thrilled about her birth. She is such a sweet little girl. I am so happy to be the mother of 2 girls and a boy, and I still secretly hope that Martin will give in and let us have 1 more before I get too much older.

That's enough for now. Chris is still sleeping, but family is coming soon.

So much love for everyone right now...

Every day you see one more card

Today is my due date. Of course, that doesn't mean much. Just the middle of my due period. I must say I am really hoping for tonight. Marty was born at 40 weeks 1 day, so of course, I am hoping this one will match him. If not, no big deal. I will happily wait for Baby Chris to be ready to make his or her debut into this big ol' world. The honest fact is that I have had no problems other than my carpal tunnel in my right hand, and at this point, that just feels like I have superglue all over my hand. So, if I get to carry this baby until sometime in December...no big deal. This week would be convenient, but mostly because the end of this week is Thanksgiving, and Mara wouldn't have to go anywhere, and everyone would be around at some point.

In other news, I met with Mara's art teacher today who admitted he made a mistake on her grade and changed it. I still think he is putting too much of a grade into the subjective and is grading on ability, but I can't change his grading if the principal isn't in the meeting. I can only defend my own child.

Not much else has happened in the last week around here. I am hoping that the slight bit of downward pressure is Chris thinking about engaging. Once s/he does that, it shouldn't be much longer until s/he decides to come on out. Other than that...things are status quo. I have been enjoying watching Martin play his newest game, Fallout 3, a lot. Man...we live a boring life.

Anyway, enough ramblings for now. Hopefully, my next post will be my home birth story.

You take it on faith, you take it to the heart

Well, at 39 weeks 1 day, still no baby. Despite a few days with good contractions due completely to either not drinking enough or doing way too much or both, I am rather glad to still be pregnant. Those days, I am ready to go, ready to have this baby and be done. But in reality, I would rather this baby wait until next Tuesday to come. I will explain in a minute why next Tuesday.

I have been working from home for the company I used to work for before coming home to stay with my kids. I ended up getting scheduled for Equal Opportunity Orientation Class for this Thursday. This past Friday, my supervisor asked me if I could attend, and I said I didn't know for sure. If I had the baby before the class, then no... But if not, then of course I could attend. Well, there was nearly a week between him asking and the class. Yesterday, the coordinator of the class and my supervisor sent emails back and forth, and they took me out of the class. Well, even after the baby is born, I am not going back to an office to work 8-hour days, so it would be more inconvenient to reschedule the class after the baby, so I got up early this morning because I was so worried about this I couldn't sleep and emailed the coordinator and explained that I would rather attend now. He put me back in the class. Yeah!!!

Martin told the baby last night that s/he has to wait until Friday or Saturday night or next Wednesday to come. LOL. For some reason, he wants to have the best of both worlds. He wants to stay home the day after the baby is born and he doesn't want to miss any work. He doesn't get time off with the job he has. He has to schedule vacation by picking 2 weeks out of a year the year before. A year ago, we had no idea we would have a baby due at the end of November, so of course, he couldn't have taken it off. I told him that it was okay, I didn't care if he went to work the next day, but he wants to stay home to make sure that I don't have to do anything the first day. Sounds sweet, but what that REALLY means is that he wants to sleep all day after being up all night waiting on his baby or that he just wants to play his video game all day or some of both. Honestly, I think that there will be NO correlation between how much I "have" to do the first day and whether or not he is home. If the baby were to come on a weekday and he went to work, Mara will probably stay home from school that day, and she could help me. She is a huge help when she wants to be.

The reason I want the 25th of November for the birth day is that it was my Nana and Poppa's wedding anniversary, and I just think that would be sweet considering if it is a girl, she will carry my Nana's middle name as her middle name, and if it is a boy, he will carry my Poppa's first name (well and my dad's, brother's, and nephew's) as his middle name. The 25th would also be 40 weeks 1 day, which is when Marty was born.

I don't want the baby to come this Friday because that is my niece's birthday, and so far, this baby has been kind enough not to doublebook Mara's or my nephew's birthdays.

Also, since next week is Thanksgiving week, about everyone will be off Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, so it would be way more convenient, and I wouldn't have to watch my youngest nephrew. I don't mind watching him; he likes me most of the time, but I would like a few days to get to know my new baby before I have to chase my nephew around.

Well, the yard got clean this last weekend. It was most of the reason I had strong contractions on Sunday night. I probably made 20 trips between the front yard and the back yard carrying various woody things to the burn pile. Then, I had to push mow the parts of the yard the riding mower won't get. I am pretty happy with the yard now, and I can see around the palms in the front yard again which had gotten to the point it was almost dangerous to back out of the yard because I couldn't see around them.

We also wrapped the mattress with the vinyl cover and made it up for the birth so we don't have to do that whenever the time comes. The only problem with this is that it necessitated removing our memory foam topper which I have come to love dearly. Between the hard mattress and the crackling from the vinyl cover and shower curtain, I am not sleeping near as well.

Marty, my darling son, has lost his mind. He is currently laying on the ground under the folded-up baby swing yelling about something. It sounded like puppies, but I don't think so. He just now crawled from there back to his room where it sounds like he is yell "hey you." Who knows... He has only acknowledge one time that Mommy is having a baby. When the midwife asked him about it yesterday, he turned around and walked away shaking his head no. I think he is denial that he won't be the baby of the family anymore.

Oh yeah, one of my midwives came for my appointment yesterday. She says she is waiting for us to call. She says its head is still floating (which I knew), and s/he seems to be curled up pretty good. She thinks it will only be 6-1/2 to 7 pounds from palpation. Mara was my biggest baby so far at about 7-1/2 pounds, and Marty was only 6-1/2 pounds. So in my way of thinking, this is just the normal size for my babies. Who knows...with another week or more in the womb, this one might actually be the biggest.

I think I am done for now...I need to see if I can find something to eat and get dressed before my sister gets here to walk to the school to pick the girls up. Yes, that's right still walking at 39 weeks. HA to all those lazy grumblers out there which I am sooo terribly sick of. I mean come on, don't get pregnant if you can't do what it takes to have a baby the right way. Elective inductions and c-sections should be illegal and, to me, are morally wrong. If you can't put your baby first for the last month or so of a pregnancy, then you how in the hell are you going to do it for the rest of their lives. Selfish people suck.

Okay...now I am done.

The waiting is the hardest part

Officially, I have now been in the waiting period for a week and a half. I am now 38 weeks 2 days. I am really excited, but I still don't "feel" all that pregnant. It could be that I have only gained a total of 3 pounds (from my lowest weight this year) or it could be that I have stayed pretty active or it could be that this is the third time through for me. I enjoy being pregnant.

My only complaint, and therefore my only reason for hoping the baby comes soon, is the carpal tunnel problems I am having with my hands. My right hand is mostly completely numb almost all the time. Two of my fingers are akin to sand paper right now and there is not much of anything that I can do to lessen that. Even lotion is not helping with the skin on my index finger and thumb. In reality, if that is my only problem, I don't have any.

I am also excited about the birth and finding out if it is a Christopher or a Christine. I really want a girl, but I have been "setting myself up" for a boy. I refer to it as a he, but everyone else is convinced it is a girl.

I really, really hope my mother-in-law makes it for the birth. Right now, the "guest list" is my mom and dad, my sister and her kids, my brother's family, my mother-in-law (and father-in-law if he can/wants) and my 2 kids. My JanJan might come, but I sort of doubt it. I have an earlier post about my Nana and how she passed away and how this will be my first birth without her. I would also like for my husband's grandmothers to be able to be here, but I doubt either of them really want to.

In case you are actually following this blog, my living room is complete. Most of my to-do list is done. The front porch still needs some work, and there is a large pile of crap in the backroom that needs to go to the shed, and I would like the yard to be mowed and weeds pulled and otherwise cleaned up (mostly for the last time for the year). There is also a large branch that needs to be cut up and moved. So hopefully, we will spend this weekend taking care of that.

The funny part about the yard cleanup is that when I was pregnant with Marty, it was March. The weekend he was born was when we mowed and cleaned up the yard for the first time of the year. Of course, I was 40 weeks exactly mowing the yard. My water broke that night and Marty was born 6-1/2 hours later.

I am working with my new job from home which is actually my old job I had before I decided to stay home with the kids. I am really enjoying it. My only problem has been finding time to sit down and work. I got in a bunch of hours yesterday with the kids occupied. I am going to try to get in a bunch more this afternoon.

Oh yeah, my midwife was so impressed with all my renovation work that she made a comment about trading co-pay for us putting in her new windows that she has to do soon. I think that would be an awesome idea.

So, everything is ready here for baby Chris. The only thing we really need to do is put the mattress cover on the bed and actually put sheets on the bed. For whatever reason, Martin mutilates the sheets every night, so I gave up keeping sheets on the bed, so we just sleep with the memory foam mattress topper and comforters (one for him and one for me). I have been trying to push off preparing the bed for Martin's comfort, but it is getting closer to the point where he will just have to deal without the memory foam for a little while. After all, it will only be until the baby is born, and then he can have it back.

I am sure I have more to say, but I can't think of it, and my hand is getting number and number as I type. So...here I am waiting for baby...not really worried about when s/he will come, but still waiting for him/her.

By the way, The Waiting is my favorite Tom Petty song ever.

That's the way it goes, it'll all work out

My living room is almost done!!!! We ran out of plaster (okay, joint compound) with part of a piece of a wall and a strip in the middle of the ceiling left. Martin will go tomorrow after work and buy the last bucket of joint compound, all of the trim (1X4's and 1X6's) and baseboard, and the white paint. I still have to pick out the shades of blue that I want. We should be completely done by the end of this weekend, so it will have taken a total of 3 weeks to totally renovate our living room. Pretty awesome!

Baby Chris is doing great. I am 36 weeks today. I am so NOT ready! After the living room gets done, I have to clean the rest of the house and rearrange our bedroom, and I still have to gather all the supplies for the home birth. At least, I finally ordered the birth kit.

Anyway, I don't have much of anything else to say tonight.

I hit cruise control and rubbed my eyes

Yet another line from the Running Down a Dream...

Well, now, exactly 1 week and 1 day after starting the Great Living Room Remodel/Renovation, we are so far into it that I can taste being done. The last wall came down today. I started taking it down almost as soon as my midwife left after my appointment. Martin took the top part of the chimney down last night. He was so brave to get up on the roof and take off the top, and then we worked together to get it out of the attic down to the level of the ceiling. When he got home from work, he busted ass to get the whole thing out of the house. The yard looks like shit, but we are paying Mara to clean the yard up.

Tomorrow, my plan is to get up early, take Mara to school, and then work all day. I have already gotten "permission" from the head coach of the cheerleading team to miss practice tomorrow. On Tuesdays, I don't have to watch my nephew, so I can work from dawn until exhaustion. I want to be able to drywall when Martin gets home from work tomorrow so that on Wednesday, I can tape that wall and get started on all the finishing work. I have tons and tons to plaster, windows to drywall in, corners to bead, tons of electrical finishing work to do, and then tons to paint and trim. It is still a lot of work, but the hardest parts are almost, ALMOST, completely done.

I had my 35 week appointment today with my midwife. She didn't seem to mind what I was doing. She seemed to understand why we were doing it, and said that I was cool. About all she really said was no roofing (I told her that my dad is working on his roof, and I told him I would help if I was allowed, and she said she would have to say something about that if I were to get up on the roof with him), and to be careful on the ladder. She didn't even ask; she just knew I was up on it. She also said she was looking forward to seeing it in 2 weeks when she comes back for my 37 week appointment. I was worried that she would be mad at me for doing this kind of work while this pregnant, but no worries...she was cool with it. Honestly, though, I don't even feel all that pregnant. I mean I am not uncomfortable when I am working. I get the occasional braxton hicks contraction, but other than that, I barely notice. S/he only really moves around when I am laying down or sitting down which on my long work days is rare.

The only problem I am having at all with this pregnancy is that my carpal tunnel problem has come back all of a sudden. I think it is a combination of my pre-existing history of having problems with it, pregnancy-induced carpal tunnel syndrome, and all the work I have been doing with my hands in the work on the living room. Last night, my hands were constantly numb and tingly. So, I just have to remember to sleep with my splints on. I have already put them on tonight (otherwise, I wouldn't have been able to type this).

On my new job, I am waiting for someone to set up my computer at the office . Once that is done, I can start working for money again. I am kind of hoping it takes as long to get that computer set up and turned on as it takes me to finish the living room.

On the family note, Marty is sick. Poor little guy. He is so sad when he is sick. He doesn't want to do anything but sleep.

Anyway, my fingers are starting to get a little tingly, so I guess I should stop writing for a little while.

But, yeah, after 1 week, we have come so far on getting this living room insulated and better for our family. I can't wait for all the dust to be gone. This sheet rock and chimney dust is horrible. I think my lungs are coated with about 6 inches of dust. Talk about a nasty cough...

Anyway...I'm done for now...

I felt so good, like anything was possible

I am definitely running down a dream. Martin finally gave in. Since Sunday, I have been engrossed in the demolition and reconstruction of our living room. Martin made me promise that we would pay the costs off with our income tax return, find someone to help, and get it done quickly. Because of the dimensions of our living room, we are doing 13 feet at a time. Two of the walls are 13 feet, the other two are 26 feet.

In 2 hours on Sunday night, we were able to get one of the 13-foot walls torn back to the studs. Since then, we have gotten the window on the wall torn out and a new one in with new framing (I did that today), a moisture barrier which I had to staple up last night leaving my dominant wrist in severe pain all day today. Tonight, Martin helped me get the insulation up (the biggest reason we are doing this). The only things left to do on that first wall is to finish running the new electric in the attic and put up new sheet rock. After the sheet rock is up, I can move to the next 13-foot section. After that section is done, I will go back and tape and plaster. Hopefully, I will be able to get up in the morning and get back up in the attic to finish the electric. I wanted to do it tonight, but it got dark, and the flash light was messing up. If I can get that done, I get to start on the sheet rock work. Not too bad if you ask me. Most of Monday was spent shopping for supplies, so that was time not spent on the job. So as of right now, I spent 2 solid days (including shopping time) on 13 feet, for the most part by myself since Martin has to work.

Did I mention that I am 7-1/2 months pregnant doing all of this???

All that really means is that I have to give up all the heavy lifting stuff. So, I called my dad to have him come over and help Martin get the sheet rock out of the back of his truck, and I won't be able to install the rest of the windows by myself like I did today. I have a friend who has volunteered to help me on Thursday since she is off work that day, and this weekend, I will have all day Sunday to work with Martin helping. If I have something he can do, then I may have him work on something while we are doing cheerleading at football games on Saturday. Of course, just between us, he has difficulty understanding me when I give him instructions on construction matters. I had hoped that he would be the one (as he does not have the baby growing in his gut) to climb up in the attic (which you have to go over a lower roof and through a small hole to get in it), and redo the wiring, but when I was trying to explain what we would have to do, he got that look...you know that look...the one that says "I have no clue what you just said and there isn't a way to explain it that I will understand."

Anyway, when I bought this house 5 years ago, my plan was to redo all the rooms. So far, in those 5 years, the only rooms that have been redone are the bathroom and our bedroom. The bathroom was in the worst shape, so that was first. Our bedroom was done next because I was pregnant with Marty, and there were spots in there where mold was growing on the sheet rock. Marty was born in March so we only had a few weeks really that was cold at all. With this poor baby due in November, I just couldn't stand the idea of being locked away in our room (the only insulated room) all winter long. Most of the wire in this house is still cloth wire which desperately needs to be replaced. There is no insulation that I haven't put in. The kids' room really, really needs to be torn out and redone, but until their room stays clean and managable, I can't even get in there, much less pull everything out. So, I figure when we get our taxes back in 2010, their room will get the special treatment it so desperately needs.

On top of all this work, I have a cold...a very nasty cold that is causing a horrible pain on my belly everytime I cough. At least Martin was nice and rubbed my back and feet. Of course, then we insulated the wall, so my back was right back to hurting. Oh well...

I guess that is enough for this week...that really is all that is going on with my life. I'm not even spending that much time online lately since I am working so hard on the room.

Oh yeah...my job finally came through. I have to attend a class on Friday and after that I will be able to do what amounts to pretty much my old job from 2 years ago (with a different title and supervisor) from home. One of the guys who I got to see again on Monday told me that he was soooo happy I was coming back. I told him he was going to make me cry.

Anyway, I guess that really is enough for now.

10/15 UPDATE: Wall #1 is complete as far as drywall. We are going to get all of the interiors of the exterior walls sealed and drywalled first before we go back to tape and plaster. After all the walls are done, then, of course, we will paint the entire room. We hit Home Depot today and bought everything we need to get long wall done, so if I work quickly tomorrow (and my friend comes to help), Martin is hoping to insulate and hang the drywall tomorrow night. So this really is moving quite along. It took about a month to completely do our bedroom, and it is half the size of the living room and had much less electric or windows. Well, I need to clean up from the drywall cutting so we can start tearing out the next wall with a clean room to mess up.

If you don't run, you rust.

That is the greatest line in a Petty song that I have heard lately. If you don't run, you rust. It fits my life lately perfectly. Between 3 days a week of cheer practice per week, 1 day of games a week, trying to get tons of little things done before baby Chris comes, keeping up with the kids I already have, trying to get my new job started, and everything else that is going on or comes up, it seems I never really have time to sit down and enjoy everything that is going on. So, we keep running.

In the off-chance that I do just sit, I feel horrible that something is not getting done.

This week was especially bad because despite everything I did do, I was sick. I had some horrible stomach virus. From Monday night through Thursday night, I don't think I kept much food down. In fact, I think at 1 point, I was down 4 pounds, and I had only gained about 6 with my entire pregnancy. I think what I actually was able to digest included a baked potatoe, 1 bowl of chicken noodle soup, and a few tuna fish sandwiches (with miracle whip and pickle relish). There really wasn't that much that I was able to keep down. I think I am mostly better now, or at least I hope that I am better now.

This morning, I woke Martin up and told him I wanted to go to town, so strangely, he got up and off we went. We went to Kohl's which has finally opened here. I honestly was not that impressed. I am just not a department store-type woman...at least not the type where you have to spend lots of money to get something you can get cheaper somewhere else. Give me Wal-Mart any day! We did get Marty a cute new hoody, 1 pair of sweat pants, and 2 cute long-sleeved shirts. They also had stuffed Curious Georges for $5, so we got him one of those too. I still think we spent way too much on those few things. After that, I got to go to Michael's which is one of my favorite stores. I had to buy stuff to use to make the gift I am doing for my friend's wedding present. I can't mention anything else about it, of course, as she is one of my few readers!

After that, we went to Target. This was basically a wasted trip to a store I have no business going into without my own paycheck coming in. I managed to do a fairly good job not spending money, but we still managed to get stuff we didn't need. Of course, I just had to have the extended cut of the Sex and City movie. I never ever watched the series on HBO, but an ex-boyfriend bought me a random season, which I watched and managed to get hooked. So, I had to buy all the seasons. My son has managed to destroy most of those DVDs, so I am hoping that someday some kind soul in my life will love me enough to rebuy me the entire series in the big pink case that I can keep hidden from all the little demons running around my house. Martin had to have 4 bags of Halloween candy. We had gone back to the Halloween section just to see if there was any costume that we might want for Marty for this year. I am so not really into the whole dressing up thing this year. Maybe if Mara picks something interesting, I can bridge off of that for Marty. Last year, they were both pirates and I loved that. The year before, I made Mara a costume from scratch from a character in one of the books she was reading (Skye the Blue Fairy). Marty was a cow. Of course, we always called him Marty Moo.

I have had no luck finding a maternity dress in any store I have looked in. I am going to have to order the one I have found online. I love the dress, but likely, it will be worn 1 time and never again. Another friend has offered a nonmaternity dress that she doesn't want. If that works, then, I won't order the dress.

We needed to go grocery shopping today, but because we never know when my ex-husband will return Mara, Martin wanted to come on home instead of getting food. He said he didn't want to be too far from home when her dad tried to call (if we weren't home).

Saturday was a fun day. It seems that I drove most of the day. I picked up my nieces first thing in the morning at about 7:15 and then picked up the head cheer coach, who is also a dear friend. We drove all the way to Archer for a 9 a.m. football game. I had to have Mara back at the house for her dad to pick her up at noon. It was almost 12:30 before we got back and he, of course, just sat in the yard and waited instead of being friendly with Martin who was in the house. Back to Archer I had to go for a 3 p.m. game. I think I finally made it home at like 7 p.m. Somehow, after being out in the sun and heat and driving all day, when I got home, I managed to have the energy to go through all of my clothes and fix my dresser that had decided to try to fall apart. One of the tracks had come off, so I had to rescrew it in. It was actually much easier than I had feared it would be, and now my dresser is back in working order with clothes that actually fit in the dresser. I had been living with all of the clothes I actually wore on top of my dresser.

I don’t think anything else got done that needed to be done. So despite all my running, nothing got done.

Oh yeah, while we were at Target, I dragged Martin to the baby section and asked him his opinion on the carseat issue. I want to just buy a new convertible carseat. I don't want a carrier car seat with this one and I intend to never use it as a carrier, and I know that if I have the option, I will do just that. Anyway, I pointed out the options, and he said that he wanted to wait until closer to time for the baby! I couldn't believe it. I guess for him less than 2 months is a long time. For me, it does seem like a long time...but 7 weeks sure doesn't. I will be 33 weeks on tomorrow (Monday), so I have 7 weeks until my due date. That is 6 weekends to accomplish everything. In the end, we decided to TRY to wash our old one. I am hoping it still looks disgusting and/or when I pull it out of the shed that it will be nasty beyond fixing, and we can get the one I want (which he did agree he liked).

Martin did the most unexpected thing tonight...he made me cry...in a good way. I came out of the bathroom and laid down on the couch. He was wandering around the living room and then turend on his Xbox. I figured he was going to play one of his many video games he hasn't finished (there are new ones coming out that he wants, but I told him he needed to finish the ones I had already bought him before getting new ones). Then he goes and grabs this CD or DVD from in the kitchen. At this point, I had no clue what he was doing. All of a sudden, our song came on. He had downloaded and burned our song...Kenny Chesney's Me and You (or You and Me... I can never remember which order it goes in). This was the song we would have danced to at our wedding if our reception hadn't been rained out. I just started bawling crying. He made me get up and dance with him...not just once...three times through. I think I cried most of the time. MY husband does not do things like that. I have to promise sexual favors to get a salad from the Olive Garden when I am craving one. He has promised me for 3 weeks to bring me an ice cream cake (I have NEVER had ice cream cake). He doesn't bring home flowers or treats without prompting. He forgets to do things he has promised to do. However, this one day, he did something so out of character just for me, just to remind me how much he loves me. It was really perfect because I actually did need to be reminded in a nonverbal way that he loves me at all.

I KNOW he loves me, but sometimes, in the running (to keep from rusting), we get so busy that we forget to be there for each other. We tend to yell too much and get too upset about little things. There has been multiple periods of time lately in the last year or so, that I have moved to couch because I just don't feel close to him anymore. When that wasn't the problem, it was too damn hot in the bedroom. While I have been sleeping in the bedroom for a while now (since the temperature started to go back down), it was really just a place to sleep. While I am carrying proof that Martin and I are occasionally intimate, it has been few and far between. In the day-to-day, we have drifted apart because of all the running we are doing. I am so thankful that he took the time and effort tonight to help us stop for a minute and rust a little bit. There really is no one on this earth that I would rather rust with than Martin.

Now, I am on to another week of running. Three days of cheer practice, a day of games with a Cheer-A-Thon on Saturday night. If anyone wants to donate money to the Waldo Wildcat Cheerleaders to go to competition, let me know, and I can tell you how you can help these wonderful little girls who are working so very hard to raise the money to go.

I also have an appointment with my midwives tomorrow afternoon, and I am supposed to start my old job as a new job on Thursday now. It was this past Wednesday, then it was moved to Tuesday, and now it was moved to Thursday. I still don't have anyone to watch Marty while I go in for what will hopefully be one of the few days I have to go in. If I hadn't agreed, I had a feeling it would be another week before I could start.

Anyway, I am sorry for those who are reading this that I waited so long to write a new blog. I had planned to write this one with this title last weekend when our van decided to try to blow a tire...long story that I forgot to mention this time. Instead, I had to keep running all week long and never got to sit down for any long period of time and write.

I guess it is time to go to bed. There doesn't seem to be anything on television tonight and I don't want to watch my new movie yet, and I am starting to get tired. After being sick most of the week, I really need my rest anyway. Hopefully, if my weight really is down, my midwife won't be too upset with me. I will try to update soon (or at least sooner than this last time).

Night...

And I keep this world from draggin me down

I am 31 weeks pregnant today, and I had another visit with Jessica, the "backup" midwife I have. My primary is still out of town until the end of the week. It was a good visit. My glucose test came back lower than normal range which is good. My blood pressure continues to be good. I have gained a total of 6 pounds total. Baby Chris is moving around like crazy, but s/he continues to be head down. S/he just flops back and forth.

For the most part, I am enjoying this pregnancy. I just wish I wasn't quite so busy. During the day, it isn't too bad. I get to just be a mom. A few days a week, I have to take Mara to school. The rest of the time, Martin takes her. Otherwise, I get to sleep. Marty is such an easy kid. It may sound bad, but he wakes up in the morning and gets the remote. He brings it to me to turn on the TV and turn it to PBS. He loves the cartoons on there every morning. He watches stuff that has been on for ages...Curious George, Clifford, Sesame Street, and Arthur. He even loves watching the cooking shows that come on after cartoons. He brings me the strawberry breakfast bars ("cookies") to open for him. He even brings me diapers and wipes to change him when he wants to have his diaper changed. It is almost like he knows that mommy won't get to sleep like this much longer. I do, however, much prefer the days that he just comes and curls up with me and goes back to sleep. I am just so exhausted. Today, I got up and made sure the house was clean before my appointment, and then went back to bed until almost time for Jessica to get here. After she left, I went back to bed until time for my nephew to be dropped off at 11:30. After my brother picked him up, I went back to bed until Martin called that he was coming home from work. I sure didn't mean to sleep that much today, but it felt great. I have been ready to go back to bed since I got up the last time, but I just haven't.

Mondays and Wednesdays are the only days right now that I feel that I have "off." Mara is cheerleading for the city, and despite being pregnant and exhausted, I am helping coach the team. The head coach, Bobbie, is someone I adore, and I would do about anything she asked me to, hence why I am helping. Martin and I had an argument the other day about his lack of respect and help. He actually said that he didn't see the value of sports. In case you are wondering, he is not just referring to cheerleading. He is also referring to any other sport. He does not understand the importance of activity, being part of a team, or learning a sport. He just sees it as a waste of time and money. Because of that, he just doesn't care to help around the house when I take Mara to practice. So, after the argument, he agreed to help cook at least on the nights I don't get home to around 8 p.m. That helps a little bit. He also didn't argue when I asked him to move the laundry tonight, and he actually did it. Mara is doing almost all the laundry, because I can't lean over the washing machine anymore. I doubt she really knows just how much I appreciate her helping the way she does. She is so excited about getting to be a big sister again and hopeful that this baby will be a girl.

Unless something comes up, I am going to a friend's on Wednesday. I am looking forward to that too. But, I hate leaving my house. So, I will get over it, and get out of the house by myself for a little bit and leave them all on their own. Scary.

I am still waiting to get the call from Human Resources to come sign the paperwork for the job I have been given. Until they call, I am still a stay-at-home mom, which I am enjoying so very much. I don't really want to go back to work. I had worked with these guys for almost 3 years, and I love every single one of them. I have been not working out of the home for almost 2 years now. They have begged me to come back on a part-time basis. When I was first asked almost a year ago, I would have jumped at the opportunity no matter what. Then, I had second thoughts. Then, I got pregnant finally after trying for over a year. Then, I didn't feel I could turn it down when it came around again and it was finally going to go through. It has taken so long for this to happen, and now that it is almost here, I really want to just stay home with my son and future baby. The only reason I am going to go ahead and take the job is that it is part time and they are supposed to get me a laptop computer to work from home. Hopefully, I will only have to go once a week or less. I will do what I have to, but I am not really as psyched about having a job again as I feel I should be...especially since the opportunity sort of just fell into my lap. I am, however, looking forward to interacting with the guys again.

Why has my cursor disappeared? It is quite aggravating not to have a cursor when I am trying to type. Okay, now I have it back. Talk about stream of thought writing. Of course, I am watching some horrible show on the television. Well, only watching it if you consider it watching television if you just have it on in the background.

On the great to-do list...nothing got done this past week. We did a lot of talking, but no actual working. So, this next weekend should be fun and full of stuff in addition to the normal football games for the cheerleaders.

Okay, that's enough. Now, I will try to get a few minutes to read before I pass out for the night. I am just leaving the kitchen for the night. I just don't have the energy to clean it tonight...not after the scrubbing I had to give it last night.

Night-night...

Where the sky begins the horizon ends

First, I want to say if you have never read the words to Tom Petty's "All the wrong reasons," I suggest you read them. Of course, most of his songs have something to say about something even if you just think it is a song.

Well, I have written out my giant to do list...the list that contains all the things I want to get done before the baby is born. After writing all this down, we managed to get quite a bit done off the list considering how long it is. Martin managed to get the bathroom tub drain to actually drain. We went to my favorite store, Lowes, and got the parts to replace the kitchen sink drain which was done by a drunkard. It had to be because no one with a brain would have hooked it up the way that it was hooked up. It actually regularly fell off with too much water pressure from the sink above. I had dealt with it for years since I bought the house, but that got fixed this weekend, too. Martin changed the brake pads on my van. The changing of the pads actually went well, but the brake hose bolt broke which necessitated another trip to the auto parts store. Of course, the auto parts guy sold him the wrong washers!! Thank goodness Walmart had some, so he was able to fix my brakes. Of course, now, I can't find my keys, so I still haven't driven it.

My biggest, and hopefully most satisfying, project of the weekend was to build from scratch a door. It is just a simple "barn" door, but it looks pretty cool, and we now have a door between our bedroom and the hallway between the bedrooms. Our house is so old (at least 80 years) and has a really odd design plan. The living room is about half of the orginal structure. The other half is the bedrooms with a bathroom between them. The only way to get to the bathroom is to go through a bedroom. So, my newest crusade now is to convince Martin to let me tear out the old chimney stack and put in a door that would lead directly from the living room to the bathroom without going through a bedroom. This would also allow for us close off the existing doorways from the bedrooms to the "hall," making more wall space in the bedrooms.

I am also hoping he will let me redo the living room soon. This would include tearing out all the sheetrock, replacing the electrical wiring and windows, put in insulation, new sheetrock, plaster and paint. The only shortfall of this plan is that I, just a few months ago, built an entertainment center that I would have to take down, but it wouldn't be that huge of a problem.

Of course, all of that rennovation isn't even on the mega to do list.

You might think I am crazy because I am almost 7 months pregnant. However, I thrive on tearing a wall down. I try not to overdo it while pregnant, but I am almost driven to rennovate. It makes me happy like almost nothing else does. While I was pregnant with Marty, we rennovated our bedroom. A year or so before, I tore out the bathroom and completely redid it with brand new plumbing, electrical, tile, etc.

Anyway, where one project ends, another begins...and I can't wait to do the next one.

You believe what you wanna believe

Not sure why I have decided to use one of my favorite lines from Refugee already, but I am. I have discovered so many wonderful lines to Tom Petty songs that always seem to fit what I am thinking. I am saving lines from the The Waiting for November when Chris is due and after s/he is born. But other than that, I normally go through a bunch of songs to find a line that fits my mood. However, with this one, the other day, the song came on the radio, and I thought "blog title," so here it is. Let's see if I can draw some kind of parallels to it in the end.

Well, I am sort of sad about a couple things. I was asked if I could attend a certain person's shower the day before her wedding in a city a couple hours away. As much as I HATE showers of any kind, I would have loved to attend this one because I love this certain friend dearly. However, there is no way in any world that we can afford for me to drive 2 days to this city. I wish that was my biggest reason for not going. Most people know I am slightly phobic of driving. I don't even like to drive 20 minutes to Gainesville. I only drive when I have to. Most of the time, I wait for Martin to be available to drive. So, because of this fear of driving, I'm not going. Of course, this is in addition to the money issue, the finding someone to watch the kids issues, and the fact that I will be exactly 8 months pregnant all alone 2 hours from home. I would be in serious panic attack/anxiety mode. I would have to drive all the way down there and then drive all the way back just to go back the next day with Martin driving. The money issues is only because November is going to be such a big month for us with money between Mara's 9th birthday, niece's birthday, nephew's birthday, hopefully a baby party for Baby Chris, the impending birth of Baby Chris, Thanksgiving in general, and the property taxes on Martin's property in Georgia being due at the end. I think Martin is about to have a stroke or coronary if the fact that he was out walking up and down the street tonight is any indication. But, I do love this certain friend and won't miss her wedding for anything in this entire world (even if I did have to drive all the way down there by myself for that). Finding a dress I can wear 8 months pregnant is going to be a huge (pun intended) chore, especially finding one that doesn't kill our budget.

For some reason, my appointment with my midwife got moved up a week. Instead of coming next Monday, she is coming tomorrow morning. It is actually not with my main midwife who is out of town but the one I had to choose to be her assistant. It's not a huge deal. I have decided to do the glucose test. At least, I don't have to drink some funky drink like it seems most women do. I just have to drink some grape juice. Not sure why I decided to do it since I do not buy into the risks of GD (risks of undiagnosed diabetes mellitus, yes). The fact is that many cases of GD have more to do with the fact that pregnant women simply do not metabolize sugar the same way as nonpregnant people. I'm not going to be strapped to a bed, so I don't really care if my baby is big (though I would be very surprised if I had a big baby considering my first one was 7 something, and my second was 6 something, it will have a long way to go to get to be actually big).

Here we go, I can tie the title in now...I believe in hospital birth for no reason. I am not going to a hospital for any reason save 1 which would be placenta previa. That's it. As I am sure I have said before at some point, I will only have an ultrasound to diagnosis this if my midwives can't bellymap to find the placenta. The only reason I am even slightly concerned/have this on my mind is that I have had a low-lying placenta in the beginning of both my previous pregnancies. Breech baby, don't care, I will birth that way. Both of my previous births have included nuchal cords which is not a cause for intervention. If I go past 42 weeks, so what. If my midwives can't attend me for whatever reason, don't care, still going to birth this baby at home. I do not trust or believe in hospitals. I do not trust doctors in any way, shape, or form. The honest truth is that had I read more about UCing (unassisted childbirth) before I hired my midwives, I wouldn't have hired any. In fact, I am still considering not calling them. I probably will (okay, Martin probably will), but the idea is still there. I don't need anyone but my family around to get me through. I am really excited about the birth and having the baby at home with my family around.

We still have a lot to do before the baby comes, but only because there are little things about it that are bothering me like the disorganization of the pantry and the bins full of books around the house, and the missing light bulbs scattered throughout the house. I also want to build a door to go between our bedroom and the bathroom hall. I really want to get the back room turned into an study/second bedroom for Mara to hid in and do her homework and get away from her little bother...I mean brother. He thinks it is fun to slap her butt and crawl all over her. It drives her up the wall. I feel bad for her, but I can't do all the work getting the heavy stuff out of the back room which has turned into storage.

I finally decided to do a registry, but only because I was bored. We don't NEED anything. There are a few things we want like a new "play yard" thing to use as a crib for naps. I want a new boppy pillow because mine is flat as hell and the cover I have is dirty as hell. I love my Bobby and have used it pretty much for the last 2-1/2 years. I even use it to sit at my computer and type on my lap.

So, I guess I need to stop typing for now. I have less than 10 hours until my appointment and I have to get some sleep, take a shower, and clean my house. Tomorrow is my day to take Mara to school which means getting Marty up earlier than I like to. At least the house is not that bad since I have been trying to keep it clean. It is just mainly a few things the kids threw on the floor and the kitchen from dinner. I also have to clean up the porch a little bit to diminish the effect of it being Martin's smoking place. I did not mean to stay up this late, and I surely didn't mean to spend this much time typing all my thoughts out into cyberspace.

Alright...enough for now.

Well, the moon sank as the wind blew

Well, here we are a couple weeks later, and now, we have Hanna headed towards us...sort of... It seems my good friend Tropical Storm Fay left us a much larger present than I had figured. We thought she had simply taken a giant limb off of our dead oak which had landed partially on the corner of the shed and knocked the shed enough to make the door very difficult to open. Well, when we finally got the door opened on Saturday (more than a week later), Martin heard this funny noise that turned out to be gushing water. We didn't even known we had a water line in the shed. It turns out after much gripping and cursing people long dead that apparently long ago, there was a pump over there for well water. When the city put in the city water, they didn't run the city water directly to the house. They ran it to the shed and hooked into where the pump had sent water into the house.

So, instead of finding the immediate problem and fixing it, Martin and my brother dug a hole in the yard, thinking that it was a sub-line going to the shed from the house, and capped it off. Well, the water was coming from the other direction, so now we had a gush in the shed and a gush in the yard. That night, we had no water.

The next morning, we all went to Lowes and I got the stuff we needed. He fixed the gush in the shed and I took care of the one in the yard, so now we have water again, BUT if they had listened to me to begin with, it would have been fixed the night before and never needed to fix the second spot in the yard. At least Martin agreed that he had screwed up. Honestly, I have done more plumbing that either Martin or my brother, you would think they would have listened. Men....

Anyway, in other news...I am in the midst of a long week. Last week was long as well. While I am a stay-at-home mom, it is definitely my evenings that designate a long week. Last week included a Monday cheerleading practice, a Tuesday awards thing for softball and baseball from last season, Wednesday I got to go "help" a friend, Thursday was open house at Mara's school, and Friday was cheerleading practice again. This week is 4 nights of cheerleading practice culminating in games on Saturday. Luckily, tomorrow is my night off from everything, and I am looking forward to staying home.

I am now 28 weeks pregnant and very happy about it. I get tired in the middle of the day, but other than that, I feel great. Since I stopped doing my medical transcription job at night, I feel so much better and my house is actually clean. On my chore chart (yes, I have one and so does Mara), I actually have a space for doing my yoga DVD and taking a walk which I get stars for doing. I try, but the only time I have actually put in the DVD and did the yoga, I fell asleep on the floor afterwards. Marty has also decided that he wants to watch PBS every morning, and actually brings me the remote to turn the channel for him to it. I hate to make him unhappy by making him miss his Word World and Dragon Tales and Sesame Street. I need to make Mara find their remote so I can let him watch it in their room so that I can get my TV back so I can do my yoga. I can't seem to get the motivation to walk to the school to pick up Mara when my sister isn't walking with me, so 2 days a week, I tend not to walk.

Baby Chris is turning somersaults in my belly. It is quite a strange feeling. He (or she but for the purpose of my sanity him) sleeps most of the day. If I am up, he is asleep. He only really moves when I sit still (like now).

Let me explain the whole fetus sex thing...I do not want to find out. I want the surprise. I also want a girl very badly. My daughter wants a sister very badly as well. It is not that I do not want another boy (cause I want one of those too), but I have decided that calling it a him will combat any sadness I might have at it being a boy when it is born and it is also easier than calling it it. I would not be devastated by having another boy because in reality it would be a lot of fun to have 2 boys so close, but I definitely want another girl. Martin says no to a 4th baby. We will see if I can win that war. If it is a boy, I would also get a little Superman (Christoper Reaves). Martin picks on me cause the last name is not the same, but please, it sounds the same, and that is what matters.

As soon as I get the schedule for games for cheerleading, I get to finally start actually planning Mara's birthday party and the specifics for the baby party. Hopefully, most of the season will be over before the parties start. It is starting in September so hopefully, it will be mostly over before November as far as games go. Competition cheer will be in full swing, but as long as I can have my weekend for my parties, I will be happy.

Anyway, I guess I have finally ran out of things to say. Nothing really exciting happens in my life. I have discovered that I prefer being with my family to almost anything else, so yeah, I don't go out, I don't have traditional "fun" but I have a great life that I love.

Goodnight baby, sleep tight my love

I have been married for a little over 2-1/2 years. This December 17th, it will be 3 years. On December 17th, it will also be exactly 2 years since I lost my Nana. My Nana was one of those women in your life you are never willing to let go of. She was diagnosed with chronic lymphocytic leukemia when I was in elementary school. We went to her house, all 5 cousins, every Wednesday after school. She sat us all down and told us that she was sick but not to let anyone tell us that Nana was going to die, because she wasn't. She made it about 20 more years.

Her mother had had this thing about living long enough for her great-grandchildren to remember her. I remember her but I don't know if I remember her because of my own memories or because of the stories Nana told of her mom. I want those memories for my children.

My biggest issues this pregnancy has been that my Nana won't be here physically for the birth. She has not missed a birth that she could be at. There were 2 from my cousin that she missed because the woman who had them didn't want the father's family around. The only others she missed, she was in the hospital for. My niece was born in November of 2005. Nana had just gone into the hospital shortly before, so she missed that one. She didn't get out of the hospital until the day before my wedding. She had begged to be released from the hospital just to be at my wedding. She was there for Marty's birth 3 months later. My mom called her at 2 a.m. to tell her to get ready. She said she already was. I have a picture some of her standing in the doorway looking in. There are pictures of her holding him on his first day of life. He was the last great-grandbaby born before she died 9 months later. Since then, 2 more have been born, 2 great-grandsons. This is my first baby since she died. She won't be there. She won't hold this baby on the day that he or she is born. This alone devastates me.

When I was pregnant with Marty, we told her if it was a girl, we were going to name it Jamie Ione (her middle name is Ione). She hated her middle name and didn't want it put on another child. She didn't tell me that, she told someone else that. Luckily, he was all boy, and it didn't matter. If this baby is a girl, she WILL be Christine Ione. She will carry my Nana's name, just as my daughter, Mara, does. Mara's middle name is Lyn after Nana's first name, Evelyn.

The point is I miss my Nana. She didn't even die from her CLL. She died from a fall in the hospital where she smashed her head on the marble window sill. She was on "falls precaution" but no precautions were taken. She got out of bed and slipped. She was never the same, but she lasted a week before she passed away. It would have been different somehow if the disease she had been fighting for 20 years had taken her life, but it wasn't. You can't even sue a hospital for wrongful death when there isn't anyone dependent on that person for monetary support. It wasn't the money we wanted anyway. It was to punish the hospital for allowing this to happen, to prevent someone else's loved one from being killed in this manner. She would have continued to fight her CLL; she couldn't fight the blunt force trauma from the window sill.

She had a memorial service at her church where she took us when we were little until we didn't want to go anymore, and then where she took the first batch of great-grandchildren until she was too sick to go anymore. Later, closer to her birthday in March, we spread her ashes at the river house. The below is what I wrote shortly after she passed away. The last 3 paragraphs (including the last line as a paragraph) was what I read at her memorial service.

*************************************

Sunday, December 17, 2006, was my first wedding anniversary. The night before Martin and I had decided to go to the river for the night to be alone and celebrate our anniversary. I didn't really want to go down there because, as I told Martin, memories of Poppa always overwhelm me down there, hence why I wanted to be married there, and I had the intense fear that soon it would be memories of Poppa and Nana that would overwhelm me there. We went anyways. As I sat on the deck that night, I whispered to Poppa to protect Nana.

The next morning, I woke up at 9:51am, and we walked down to the river, and we went swimming. Swimming in the river I was overwhelmed with thoughts of Nana and how she would inch into the water with her inner tube and beer. Martin was inching in with his coke in his hand. We went up to the house where I found the message from my mom with tears in her voice. I called her back full of fear of what I would hear, but sure that it couldn't be what I was mostly afraid of it being. I sat on the steps of the river house that my Poppa and Nana had built as I heard my mom on the end of the phone tell me that Nana hadn't made it...that she had passed away. I told her I didn't believe her, but I knew it was true. Sadly, I hung up the phone and walked back down to the river and cried. Martin packed the van and he drove me as fast as he could to the hospital to see her body before they took her away. I found out at the hospital that she had passed away at about 9:55am, roughly the same time I woke up.

If Poppa was our eagle, ever protective and watchful of us all, Nana was our Eagless who flew with grace in the stiffest of winds, who loved all of her eaglets, who taught us all how to soar with grace. She struggled to live through mountains of pain and countless hospitalizations to see one more day with her great-grandchildren. She was at the birth of any of her great-grandchildren that she could be at, the time of night never mattering. She wanted more than anything to babysit Marty. She said she wasn't sure she could babysit the other babies, but she was sure she could watch him.

Our Eagless has flown away and left her all of eaglets behind to carry on in her memory...to soar with the grace she taught us all...to teach our children and our grandchildren and our great-grandchildren about what love really means and that the most important thing in any life is the family you have. Nana's body may have died, but her soul is immortal, she lives in all of us...and we will take her with us where ever we go and whatever we do.

I love you Nana, and I miss you more than words can say.

Well, the man out to end us had a hurricane business...

Am I the only freak?

I love hurricane season.

I constantly watch wunderground.com waiting for a storm to come close. Of course, we get at least one that they say will come close, and then, they say it won't. I get all sad. Well, at least with Fay, they say it will come back close to us.

Back when Francis and Jeanne came through, I was letting the worst guy to be trapped in a hurricane live with me. He was just nasty. I enjoyed not having power. No TV. I enjoyed listening to the guys on KTK (a radio station) tell bedtime stories to the kids. I enjoyed the candle light. I opened the windows and felt the wind blowing. I read by candlelight. I felt good. I didn't let the inconvenience of it all get to me. I dealt with the cold showers just to feel clean. I bonded with my daughter. The guy I was with was cranky about the whole deal.

At least with Martin, I don't think he will be as cranky. It won't be the best situation since he is on a CPAP machine, so he will have problems sleeping at night, but I don't think he will be nasty about having no power for days.

The only reservation I have about a storm coming this way is that it will be hot after the storm passes. If we lose power, I will be miserable being so hot and 6 months pregnant. We are also worried about the dead oak tree outside of my house. When the last storms came through, the tree was still partially alive. The only thing alive this time is the vines growing in it.

On another note, I am watching (with the eyes in the back of my head) the softball game between Australia and Japan. They are tied at 3 in the 12th inning, and they are saying that this is the second game they have played today. Crazy. Dammit, Japan just won. USA better kick the shit out of them again in the gold medal match.

So, this blog isn't so long. Oh well, I thought I had more to say....oh yeah, I do.

My husband's family annually has a get-together they call their family reunion every year. Last year, after the main party, the women got together and picked dates. Well, low and behold, Martin's cousin's wife got pregnant. Because she would be due too close to the dates that had been selected (SO?????????), they moved it. Then, she got her gallbladder issues, so we actually heard things like, well we would have had to move it anyways because of her issues. Gag me. Stupid bitch. They say sometimes that it wasn't moved for Liz, but everyone knows that it was. When did they move it to??? This coming Saturday. HA HA HA HA. I love Fay...and karma. My big problem (and Martin's) is that when they moved it, they moved it to a time that Martin's sister couldn't come down because she is a teacher and school has started, and Martin's brother just went back to college, so he can't come. Martin's parents can't come because of work. Now, because of lovely Fay, it is most likely that one of Martin's uncles won't be allowed to go because he works for the gas part of the local utility company. So it will end up (if anyone ends up going at all) to just be the Smiths. Like we have been calling it all along...the Smith family vacation. It had nothing to do with the Reaves. I am so glad that Martin is standing up for his family. They also planned it for a weekend my daughter couldn't be there. Of course, they tend to always plan everything on weekends that my daughter can't be there because she has to go to her dad's every other weekend. They could ask. They don't. They are selfish, selfish people. Done with vent.

Anyway, done for now.

PS: If you can figure out the name of the song from the lyrics in the title, you rock. It is one of my favorite songs ever.

Good Love is Hard to Find

I guess I am one lucky woman. Not only do I have a wonderful family and a wonderful husband, I have wonderful in-laws. This post is inspired by all the posts I see on message boards for pregnant women about how much they hate their in-laws.

My first set of in-laws weren't bad. They were insane, but not bad. At least they were so far away that it either took a plane ride (never did that) or an 18-hour drive to see them. Now, my former mother-in-law calls me occasionally. She is certifiably insane. Possibly the worst part is having to listen to all of her woe-is-me stories. I finally figured out either not to answer the phone or just hand it to my daughter and never talk to her. This method is working out very well for us. Please understand, I do NOT dislike my former mother-in-law. I just cannot deal with her. She has been institutionalized twice for mental disease of some sort. She is about the equivalent (to talk to her) of a 5-year-old child. I feel bad for her. I really do. Last summer, we drove 12 hours to where she is living now after her husband left her, divorced her, and remarried at 40-year-old nasty crack whore (I have seen pictures), so that Mara could spend time with her. They had a good time together, but it was a long drive for nothing for us. We ended up turning around and heading to North Carolina to go hiking in the Blue Ridge for a day or so until we had to go back and pick her up from Northern Kentucky (yes, and then ALL the way back to Florida).

Anyway, my current mother-in-law is the most awesome mother-in-law anyone could ask for. She showed up to a baby shower that she didn't want to attend and had other plans for avoiding just so that I would have someone with me because I am so "out there" on my childbirth beliefs. I have mentioned some of the things that happened at the shower before, so I won't rehash, but my MIL came just because I needed her to. I called my mom after the shower and said something about MIL being at the shower and why she was there. I thought my mom was going to cry. NOT because she was jealous or anything like that...but because she was so happy that I had such a wonderful MIL that loved me that much.

My father-in-law is wonderful as well. He is goofy and smiley and loves my kids. BOTH of my current kids.

These people truly love me and accept me. My MIL is just happy that I make her son happy. There is a story to this, and I believe it is a pretty amazing story about how far people can go.

I met my husband 3 years ago online. He drove down here (2 hours) to meet me and take me out for my birthday. We ended up having dinner and then driving down to a river my family owns property on and going skinny dipping. Yeah, so what, I slept with him on the first date...it wasn't the first time I had made a "bad" decision. Get over it. ;)

A few weeks later, sitting on my couch, he tells me he has to tell me something about his parents and their religion. Oh no, I think. So, I asked him the dreaded questions, "Are they baptist?" Where I come from, either you are Methodist or baptist, and the baptists had always been mean to me growing up. If you didn't go to their church, they picked on you and said really mean things. I am pagan, but not too many people know that, and it never comes up. Anyway, he told me that no, they weren't baptist. They were Jehovah's Witnesses. I was cool with that. I mean really, as long as they weren't baptists.

Shortly after that, I found out I was pregnant. We had gotten pregnant on our second date. Now lets think about this.

1. Premarital sex.
2. Premarital pregnancy.
3. Birthday celebrating.
4. We both smoked.

Man, I was the antithesis of everything they wanted for their son, and they hadn't even met me yet.

When they did meet me, Martin kept the secret of the baby from them for the weekend. It was killing me, and I wanted to tell them. He didn't. He wanted them to meet me before they hated me. After I left that weekend, he sat them down and explained to them that I was pregnant, we weren't necessarily getting married, and I was NOT the first girl he had slept with. I think their entire world probably crashed down for a little while there.

He is their oldest son, and everyone wants the best things for their children. Then, his mom realized something. Martin was different. He was talking to his mom. He was talking to his dad. He wasn't hiding in his room. He was being more friendly. She blamed all of this on me, and for probably that reason alone, she loved me.

She thanked me on 1 of my visits up there for giving her back the son she had raised, the son she had raised him to be. She even (with the help of her SIL) threw us a baby shower. She didn't know me that well though and didn't come to Marty's birth which was 9 months after I met their son and 3 months after I married him. With this baby, not only have I opened their eyes to homebirth and midwives, my amazing mother-in-law is planning to be at the birth.

My amazing mother-in-law does not bat an eye when I talk about birthdays in my family or Christmas, or other holidays. She accepts me and our little family as we are, despite being so very different from what they wanted for their first born.

I am probably the nightmare they had when they was raising Martin, the woman who would steal away their precious son, move him 2 hours away, and turn him away from all of their beliefs. I think they actually see if very differently now. I actually managed to give him back to them. He calls them nearly everyday just to talk. He holds their beliefs but had turned away from the Kingdom Hall long before I came along. Apparently, I was the best antidepressant for Martin.

I have a wonderful relationship with my in-laws...probably because I wanted to be a good daughter-in-law. All those women who complain about how horrible their in-laws are should take a good look at who and what they are, how they act, how they treat their in-laws. A little bit of respect goes a long way. I love my in-laws because they raised the perfect man for me. They love me because I love and respect their son.

Good love IS hard to find, but I got lucky when I found him (to paraphrase).

A Rebel Without a Clue

So, is it bad to hate people??? I mean really hate them and everything they stand for?

I don't even have to really know people to dislike them intensely. Sometimes, these people say things so idiotic that I have to believe that either they are truly that stupid or they choose to put their heads in the sand. If they are choosing to put their heads in the sand, then okay, I can try to deal and educate where possible. If they are truly stupid and refusing to use their brains at all, I have no way to deal, and I refuse to try.

My first example...recently, on a forum for local moms, the topic of circumcision came up. I am adamantly opposed to this and feel with my entire being that it is a form of child abuse and should be eradicated from the United States. I feel it is genital mutilation. So, I have very strong views. Women on this particular board tried to say that it kept infection away (whatever, teach them to clean themselves). Anyway, most of their comments fell into the normal stupid range. One woman was stupid enough that she actually stated that if there was something that could have been removed from her body as a baby to prevent infections, she would have loved for it to have been done. To me, this is falls into the realm of removing the breasts to remove the possibility of breast cancer. I wanted to tell her to go ahead then and have her labia removed, they retain all that moisture that could lead to some infections. I kept my mouth shut after that...mostly because I could feel my blood pressure rising. This woman has moved into my no respect for you category. I mean really, when I was a child, I refused to wipe when I peed. I got irritated; it hurt; I learned to wipe when I peed. If the boy in question gets an infection and it hurts, he will learn to clean himself properly to prevent future pain. If not, well, then...stupidity reigns.

My husband's cousin's wife has completely moved into the hate you category. She is the most selfish bitch I have ever met in my life. During her recent pregnancy which was her first, and she was 22 years old, she developed problems with her gallbladder. Instead of eating what she should be eating and incorporating gallbladder healing agents into her diet that I was kind enough to go out and find for her because she was too stupid to look it up on her own, she continued to eat KFC every day. She wondered why she had pain after eating pizza rolls. Have you seen the oil on those. I can't eat those even when I'm not pregnant. Anyway, no her way of dealing with the problem is to try to get induced early and taking pain pills (loratab and Percocet). Yes, she started talking induction at 31 weeks because SHE was in pain. At her baby shower, she ate the cake, she ate the dips. Later, she started to hurt. She just wanted her pain pills. I told my husband we had to leave THEN. In my opinion, she might as well having been doing cocaine. She also stated to another women who was carrying around a severe preemie (who at more than a year could not even crawl), "don't you wish your baby was that small?" Pure disgusting.

She finally got her way and was induced at 38 weeks. I still find this disgusting because you are not overdue until after 42 weeks. This poor baby could have been a whole month earlier, because SHE was in pain. She got lucky. That sucks. I really wanted her to learn her lesson about messing with mother nature. I wanted her to have the C-section. I wanted her to have the massive incision infection. I wanted her to think about it the next time. I feel so sorry for that baby. I found her birth story online and from reading it, all I can envision is this poor baby trying to hard to stay in until they attached the vacuum to his head and yanked him out.

I got roped into going to see the poor baby when it was a week old because my husband wanted to go. I secretly whispered to the baby that I was so sorry for his selfish mother...that he had had to go through so much instead of having a happy peaceful gestation and birth. The entire time we were there, the selfish bitch of a women disappeared. She hid the entire time we were there. I am sure you are thinking that it was because of the things I must have said to her...nope, I wasn't "allowed" to tell her at any time what I thought of her. I kept my mouth shut every I spoke with her. I was "good" at her shower and said nothing out of line.

Women like this should not have children. Women like this should not be allowed to be called mothers. They have no idea of what it means to truly give of themselves. I hate her. Truly hate her. My husband is going to give his relationship with his cousin another year before he gives up trying. I have said that I am done. I don’t want that woman around me and my family. She wouldn't even speak to me from the time she found out she was pregnant until she found out I was pregnant too.

I am planning my shower (only because I am the most creative of the bunch of women in my family). We will have few games, fruit, chips and dip, veggies, cake, punch, and we are going to decorate onesies for the baby. It will be more of a party than a shower. This is my 3rd baby, and we don't need anything, but I still want to have a party with everyone to celebrate the baby's birth. It will be at my mom's house, so my husband is hoping that if anyone on his side of the family gets out of control with their stupidity, my mom will throw them out of her house. There are some on his side that believe hospitals are good things and that is where babies should be born. Gag me. Pregnancy is NOT an illness. Birth is NOT an emergency. Why in the hell would I want to go to a sick house to have a healthy baby??? Anyway, we have to decide if we should invite the selfish bitch to the shower. I say no, Martin says we should send an invitation to her mother-in-law and have it say "and family," and then if she comes, she comes.

I can get along with almost anyone except when it comes to the gestation, birth, and newborn life of a baby, and even on that, most people do not know my views because I choose to hide them from the general population. I am so tired though of people, women especially, not thinking, not researching, not trusting themselves and their bodies.

I feel better now to have vented into space. I know the selfish bitch will never read this and will still never know just how much I hate her, and wish really bad things on her. Call it hormones...I don't care...but I seriously do not want that woman ever to be around my baby.

Okay, I am done now for now at least.

Under the Sky of Blue

Wow, so much for every day. I must be the laziest blogger ever!

Anyway, since April, my life has not really changed that much. Mara has continued to have lice on and off. I cannot for the life of me find where she is re-infesting herself from. Martin's hair finally grew back in, but I have to say that it was days before I kissed him again. I just don't like bald men (unless they are that way naturally). Marty got lice, and we had to shave his head. I didn't want to poison him. It turned out all right and now that it is growing back in, I love his little head.

Marty is finally starting to talk more. He used to talk little bits, but now he will bust out a complete sentence, even if you can't always understand the entire sentence. He may be a slow/late talker, but he has tons of musical talent. He loves to play harmonica, and he loves to dance. Sometimes, he makes up little songs and sings them over and over. Most of the time, these are songs about pee-pee; he is taking after his father already.

Marty had his first longer than overnight trip away from home this week. In fact, as I write this he is still gone. On Tuesday, my in-laws picked him up and took him home with them for 2 nights. Yesterday, they took him to the zoo, and I have heard that he loved the monkeys. I can believe it; he is a little monkey. Mara missed him so much. As soon as he left, she was in tears. We ended up taking her bowling with my brother's family.

Well, in less than a month, Mara will start the fourth grade. Only 2 more years until middle school.

Last week, we got away from home and went up to North Carolina and the Blue Ridge Parkway. I love being up there. We left Saturday morning at 4:30 a.m. and drove to Cherokee. We camped next to a creek which was really cool. We are very used to white noise at night, so the creek was the perfect thing to have. We got on the parkway the next morning and drove to Asheville. We stopped at a few places along the way to hike and tons of overlooks. Marty loved Devil's Courthouse trail. It is classified as strenuous, but he walked the entire thing. He loved it because it was so hard. His favorite parts were the ones where he had to lift his feet practically to his waist to get up.

We ended up staying at a hotel in Asheville because it was raining a little bit. Please. I was looking forward to camping in the rain, but Martin has sleep apnea and had to have his CPAP machine, so he wanted to stay in a hotel. Wussy boy.

We walked some easier trails the next day, and Marty didn't enjoy those as much. Parts of Linville Falls were fun for him with all the steps, but anything that just was like walking through woods, he was upset. After we ate, a guy commented that my little one was upset. I told him, sure he was, he had walked 5 miles in 2 days.

My favorite place to be in the mountains is Bluff Mountain. It is an awesome trail and great little store and the greatest little coffee shop.

Anyway, I thought we were going to get off the parkway and camp for the night and then head home the next day. Nope, Martin decided he had to drive the ENTIRE way home. All the way from 20 miles from Virginia to Waldo, Florida. It took 9 hours for us to get home. So, we got home at about 3 a.m. I told him only he could turn a 4-day trip into 3.

So, on to me. I am doing great. I am currently 22 weeks pregnant. I have turned 30 since my last blog. I was very excited about that. Oh yeah, last Wednesday, we went to see Tom Petty in Tampa. My dad had bought floor seats for me, my husband, my brother, and his wife. It was really cool. It was actually the second time I had seen him. He came to Gainesville 2 years ago for his 30th Anniversary tour. He is my absolute favorite. You know, he is from Gainesville. He went to the same high school my dad did...but my dad didn't start until Tom had graduated.

Steve Winwood opened for him, and now I am convinced this baby is a boy. The only time he moved during the whole show was when Steve played "I'm a Man," and he danced big time during that song. Marty also calls my belly "bubby," but Mara still wants a girl. So, do I, so I am still hopeful. My appointments with my midwife have all gone well. I got the one I wanted of the midwives and she is really cool, and I am pretty sure she is going to be just as hands off as I will want her to be, which is pretty much all the way.

I think I have run out of things to say for now...crazy...who would have thought.

Introduction

I highly doubt anyone will ever read this, therefore, I am doing it mostly for myself. I am a 29-year-old mother of 2 with 1 on the way. I have an 8-year-old daughter and a 2-year-old son. I am a stay-at-home mom during the day, a medical transcriptionist during the night, and a softball coach during the evening.

I am married to a normally wonderful man who made me very mad last night when he cut all his hair off down to stubble because my daughter had lice. Of course, the idea that she had lice made him itch, so without thinking about my feelings, he took all his hair off. It is so gross. I swear I won't even kiss him until it grows back somewhat.

My daughter is an amazing girl who I love dearly. She is way too smart for her own good. She loves her brother and is a good daughter most of the time.

My son is a sweet as they come. In fact, he is crawling up on my lap while I type at this very moment. It is too bad that he has a very stinky diaper. Otherwise, I might enjoy it a little more.

I am 6-weeks pregnant with my third. I really don't care if it is a boy or girl, but I hope a girl. I want my husband to have the undivided love of a little girl. My son has always been a mommy's boy, and Martin needs a daddy's girl. He doesn't see it that way. He sees that there aren't many boys in his family to carry on his last name, and he wants another boy.

My softball team is an 8&under team of 10 girls of who 3 are my daughter and 2 nieces. About half the team had never played before, and all of them are doing amazingly well considering. They have lots to learn about playing softball as a team, but they are coming along so well. They make me so proud. We haven't won a game yet, but each game so far has shown a lot of growth in each girl. In fact, last night, 1 little girl, who had not yet hit the ball in a game, hit the ball every time she was up to bat. That was huge. She is the type of kid that is just happy to be playing. Even when she didn't hit the ball, she had a huge smile on her face just because she played. Imagine what that smile looked like last night. In fact, all of the girls hit the ball last night. We had had a couple that hadn't hit the ball and all of them did last night. My niece, Taylor, had the hit I knew she had in her, line drive up the middle past everyone.

I am militant in my childbirth views and will probably post about that later on in more depth. I got a subscription to Netflix in order to watch the Business of Being Born online. It was awesome. I am having a home birth with this baby. Both of my kids were born at the Birth Center of Gainesville, so it is not a huge stretch to have this one at home. We made an appointment to meet the midwives with the Midwives Cooperative in Gainesville next week. I am very excited about that. More than me picking the midwife I like the best, the bigger question will be who will put up with me as a patient.

Anyway, I will try to do this everyday if I have anything to say that is. We will see. So, if anyone did read this...thanks. I really appreciate it.